It’s enough to know that I could if I wanted to

“It’s enough to know that I could if I wanted to.” Me and 37.713 people like this. And a Facebook like always somehow signifies approval – at least subconsciously.

 

“It’s enough to know that I could if I wanted to.”, I read several times every single day, scrolling through my newsfeed. And every now and then, I find myself copying that sentence from the virtual into the real world, establishing it in my everyday life. “The weather’s really nice today. I could actually go for a run”, I start thinking. But then again, it’s enough to know that I could if I wanted to. It’s just that I really don’t want to right now, of course.

 

What seems to be a humorous statement followed by a winking smiley face, is turning into a life philosophy bit by bit. Of course I could get a side job, but then again, I really don’t want to need more time for my studies than required. Well, of course I could get my degree within three years, but then again, I also want to have a life. Yes, of course I could go study abroad for a semester, but I’ve basically just finished furnishing my apartment. So I’d rather simply stay here, sitting on the new couch matching the new curtains, chilling with the new pillows matching my socks, thinking about all the things I could do if I just wanted to. Because that’s just about enough.

 

And maybe, if I keep telling myself over and over again, at some point I might actually believe it and will be able to completely fade out the fact that I’m actually just wasting my time and my resources – with dreams that I will never truly follow and friendships that in fact are pretty hollow, because nothing of it is real.

 

And probably it also saves me some disappointment, because I don’t have to risk, try or dare anything. As long it’s enough for me to just know that I could if I wanted to, I don’t actually have to do anything. And as long as I don’t do anything, I can’t fail. Basically. Isn’t that lovely? Just one of those desirable win-win-situations, right?

 

But maybe, I actually couldn’t if I wanted to – who knows? Maybe I am completely misjudging all these skills I’m supposed to have and I just keep lying to myself to protect my pride. Instead of admitting to myself or others that I simply can’t, I’d rather just say that I don’t want to. I can do anything, after all. Or at least I could. If only I wanted to.

 

This is a really nice couch I’ve got there, though. Also very comfortable. So I could actually just keep sitting here. And I think that’s what I want, too.

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